# Giving what you need This past Yom Kippur (Jewish holiest day of the year where we repent for our sins), during the service, we honored and remembered the dead. This is called Yizkor. I love this part of Judaism, as I lost my Dad when he was 60 and I was 26, and any chance to remember and honor him is a gift for me. During this time I often feel deeply the love and gratitude for him, similar to his birthday, father's day, and other key dates. Anyways, this time during the ceremony it was particularly difficult, as he was the person I always first thought of to share my triumphs and excitement. You know that person who is happy for you in a totally selfless way? They are actually happy for you because of how much those things mean to you, instead of how it impacts them. These people are very rare, and in my opinion should be treasured. My Dad was that person for me, miles apart from literally anyone else in my life. He had all the context, cared deeply for me, and was a consistent source of encouragement and love. As an aside, I know I'm the luckiest person on planet earth because of that relationship with him, and even after losing him so early I still feel lucky to have had someone like him in my life to the point of having been so impacted by his death. Back to the ceremony - by the end of the remembrance part of services, I was in tears and deeply affected. All I wanted at that moment, aside from my Dad to come back of course, was for someone to give me a hug and share that moment of grief and love and heartbreak and gratitude. But nobody came. It was about this time I noticed a friend who had very recently experienced a loss of a parent at too young an age. This was his first Yizkor, and I could see in my periphery he was also having a similar experience to me. In this moment I realized he probably needed exactly what I did at the time. Without thinking, I walked over and put my arm around him, holding him tight in a hug. He looked over and our eyes met, both glistening from ceremony, and we had a moment of friendship I have a hard time describing. We didn't say a word, just looked knowingly at each other. No words needed to be said. We just understood. I'm so grateful for those few moments, as it led to an epiphany. That which I craved so deeply was exactly what I needed to in fact share with someone else. And in that moment not only did he receive the hug and tenderness of a loved one who understood the pain, but I did too. The beauty of the moment cannot be overstated. I'm now convinced that which we need most is exactly what we should be trying to share with others. If we want love, we can simply give it to those who need it most. If we want understanding, friendship, partnership, kindness, etc. I'll forever be changed by that moment for the better. I hope you will be too. Give what you need.